Canada's secret army
A huge military base was discovered by an ex-vine star where the Canadians are secretly training an army of Sasquatch. The ex-vine star was famous for being stupid. When asked by his apparent father what the answer to 9+10 was, he answered 21. To this answer, his father called him stupid. Because this vine became very popular, the ex-vine star was made fun of by others. He ran away from home, never contacting anyone along the way.
Recently, he contacted the Fake News journalists through a secret messaging app saying, "I have located a secret base in Canada which I have successfully infiltrated." He went on further to state that he had located secret military plans to invade the United States with the Sasquatch in order to get rid of bacon and express the rule of Canadian bacon. The plans include a new weapon that the Canadians invented that shoots toxic maple syrup at vehicles and people that melts through them.
He advises that people take caution and move to Mexico.